changed ??

have i or have i not changed ??


who can tell me ??


in the past, i can go to school alone, go home alone,


can even walk to shopping mall alone to have meal den walk home...


but now, as i think about it, it was a mono life...


now, i feel so lonely ...


everywhere i go, i want people to accompany me ...


have i been weaken ?


or is there another reason for it ?


in the past, i have this believe, i believe that (sorry i do not meant anything) religon is for people that are mentally weak, unable to solve or take the stress
from their lives, thus seeking a solution by praying to their god, someone they entrust their faith in that will help them solve their problems ...

same think i tot about friends, i never believed there are true friends, i believe that people became friends becos the needed someting the other party has
that they do not have, i believe that the biggger groups they hang around in, the weaker they are individually ...

to weak to survive and needs help from others...


i was a loner in the past, a introvert that keeps everyting to myself,

but as i joined poly life and working society,


i realised i changed drmatically ...


i became more out spoken ..


although still a introvert on certain aspects ...


but at least much better ....


even than, when i became out spoken, the mentality of religon and friends did not change ....


after work, i do not wait for people to go home together, i just walk off alone ...


it did not for once bothered me ...


it just feel so natural ...


but now, thinking about it, i feel so weak ...


as if i had been weaken ...


now, alone, i do not feel like doing anyting ...


do not feel even like walking out to buy food to eat ...


all my sense of motivation is gone ...


seem so lost ....


one close friend once told me i need to set a goal in future so i wont get lost, but den, i seriously do not even know wad lay in front of me in future, not least, set a goal ....


somehow, i think i noe the answer to my problem deep in myself ...


but apparently i do not dare to face it ...


haiz y am i like dat, cos i no self confidence ? cos i scare ?? cos i too ego ?? cos i 2 emo ????


i dunno .... probabily a mixture of all ...

last week there was this particular day.



think it is thurs or fri,


normally i have one or two friends going home with me, dat day, all were not there...



i suddenly felt so left out ... so lonely ...



that is wad ? i dunno ... isit jus purely lonely feelings or others as well ??


am scare 2 face it ....


perhaps i shall let time wash it away, just like or other problems and headache stuff that i have faced b4 ...


let time do its job while i continue to lead a lifeless life ....



realli gonna start editing this blog ... to make it look nice ...




emo-ness runs in everyone .... byez ....