haiz ...
i noe i mentioned in my previous post that i feel i am weaken ...
but then, i do not noe when, why did it happen...
think i am sick ... depression ... LOL
jus find life so lifeless ... so meaningless ....
felt like old times again jus tat this time is worst than the other time .. ( i had tis feeling b4 ... posted at my friendster blog ... )
when not doing anyting, i can sit there and daydream ...
i dun even know what am i thinking at that moment ...
but funny ting is, i jus felt like crying ... LOLX ...
seriously , if i didnt stop myself all the time, snapping out of it as i feel tears trying to come out from my eyes, i believed i wont have bursted in to tears without knowing why ...
lol
am i emo-ing ?
for the 2nd or 3rd time in my life, i dunno ....
play majong, play maple, all these keeps me away from this feeling ...
but as the end, the feeling jus rushed back to my mind ....
maybe its time 4 my 2nd personality to take over ....
LOL ...
i always believed that there are at least 2 personality in a person...
shared tis view with a few person b4 ...
i noe it sounds stupid ...
but think about it ....
some people has more than 2 personality, too many 4 the brain to bear thus becoming crazy, as we known as, mental illiness( sheng jing ping ) ...
feel like i am going up that way ... LOL


the 2 personallty is simple, one is ur actual self, the other one is the character ur sub concious made up to protect
urself ...


like this person i noe, heard when she young always tio bully, she is acutally quite nice person de, but now, she
becomes to0 self centered, inconsiderate etc... the nice personality is her actual self, the other one is made up
by her mind to protect herself as she do not wan to face the same situation again etc ... sad 2 say, all of us are
like dat, the 2nd personality is formed to protect dat person from what the fear...


haha being thinking of this logic for years, i have been thinking about my own personality to0 ...


haha ... i noe which are my 2 personality ... but nt gonna disclose them ... lol



actually tis post yest i wrote de, but stopped half way, when i wrote it, abit emo .. but now, i feel tired instead
of emo, so cant write out dat standard liao ...


lol haha ..




been spending lots of time playing maple story recently ... currently lvl 66 liaoz ..


gonna chiong all the way till 70 ...

hah the attached pic is my dearest char .. nice ??

changed ??

have i or have i not changed ??


who can tell me ??


in the past, i can go to school alone, go home alone,


can even walk to shopping mall alone to have meal den walk home...


but now, as i think about it, it was a mono life...


now, i feel so lonely ...


everywhere i go, i want people to accompany me ...


have i been weaken ?


or is there another reason for it ?


in the past, i have this believe, i believe that (sorry i do not meant anything) religon is for people that are mentally weak, unable to solve or take the stress
from their lives, thus seeking a solution by praying to their god, someone they entrust their faith in that will help them solve their problems ...

same think i tot about friends, i never believed there are true friends, i believe that people became friends becos the needed someting the other party has
that they do not have, i believe that the biggger groups they hang around in, the weaker they are individually ...

to weak to survive and needs help from others...


i was a loner in the past, a introvert that keeps everyting to myself,

but as i joined poly life and working society,


i realised i changed drmatically ...


i became more out spoken ..


although still a introvert on certain aspects ...


but at least much better ....


even than, when i became out spoken, the mentality of religon and friends did not change ....


after work, i do not wait for people to go home together, i just walk off alone ...


it did not for once bothered me ...


it just feel so natural ...


but now, thinking about it, i feel so weak ...


as if i had been weaken ...


now, alone, i do not feel like doing anyting ...


do not feel even like walking out to buy food to eat ...


all my sense of motivation is gone ...


seem so lost ....


one close friend once told me i need to set a goal in future so i wont get lost, but den, i seriously do not even know wad lay in front of me in future, not least, set a goal ....


somehow, i think i noe the answer to my problem deep in myself ...


but apparently i do not dare to face it ...


haiz y am i like dat, cos i no self confidence ? cos i scare ?? cos i too ego ?? cos i 2 emo ????


i dunno .... probabily a mixture of all ...

last week there was this particular day.



think it is thurs or fri,


normally i have one or two friends going home with me, dat day, all were not there...



i suddenly felt so left out ... so lonely ...



that is wad ? i dunno ... isit jus purely lonely feelings or others as well ??


am scare 2 face it ....


perhaps i shall let time wash it away, just like or other problems and headache stuff that i have faced b4 ...


let time do its job while i continue to lead a lifeless life ....



realli gonna start editing this blog ... to make it look nice ...




emo-ness runs in everyone .... byez ....

haiz ..

well becos i to0 long no touch my blog liaoz ...


old blog could not be retreieved ...


so, i started tis new 1 ...


gonna slowly edit this website ...


but haiz, time flies man ...

its aug already ...


working in a company named "Muvee"


my job is a QA tester ...


kinda easy jus veri lengthie ...


so much things had happened in this little time that has past ...



but, i am jus posting cos i feel emo now ...



and i mean super emo ...


lol



normally, i will go home with my colleuge ...



since wed, wendy started working ...


so i tot i got 2 ppl accompany me home ....



but 2day, my colleuge meet his friend, could not go home with me ...


wendy went to meet her best friend, could not go home with me ....


although i noe it is very common,


but, i jus could not explain tis emo-ness feeling in me ...


jus felt so lonely and left out ... LOL ...


den george called, said he is at bugis, maybe wan catch movie or someting,


so i said ok ... feeling slightly better ...


den no movies to watch ... den he took bus home without me !!!



wa emo-ness once again overpowered my mind....


emo till i was driven, wanting to take cab home ...


but lucky the long que at the taxi stand changed my mind ...


hahah ...